Why have I become such a pathetic little whiner lately?
I need a hug. Now. A long one. One that lasts hours.
I need a nap.
Dont cry. Dont break down. Hold it in.
What the hell were you thinking?!!?
You cant eat past eight.
Half an hour, HALF AN HOUR!!
Matt Brown is heaven sent.
I want to wrap my arms around someone, anyone, and feel their love.
I feel like screaming the F-Bomb until I curl up and cry myself to sleep.
Sleep...
Why wont you initiate ANYTHING?!?!
How can I get a six pack?
Where are you?
Why am I not good enough?
(*^@#)*@)*&)*&()(*!!!!!!
Im so tired im not even hungry.
Will it get better once school is out?
How do I get it all done?
I need love. I need attention. I need you.
I need to renew my temple recommend. Need to go feel peace.
Peace...
Doctor? Pills? Medication?
Friday :)
Why wont this darn Jazz game end??
Tomorrow will be better!
I will be happy.
Im done bitching.
The End.
In The Crazy Life of Michael Scott Sandberg
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Loneliness.
My definition of loneliness is as follows...
Loneliness: The poison that breaks down your heart when you feel there is no one inside trying to protect it.
Yes, I am lonely. Ive been trying to hide and fight it for quite some time. Now is the time to express it. I hate bottling up emotions and pretending like everything is perfect. This is life, it isnt meant to be perfect. So why pretend it is? I wont. Is my life great? Yes it is. I have been blessed with many of the good things of the world. However, despite my many blessings, I have been feeling extreme emotions of loneliness.
This is a painful and difficult thing to admit. I am a socially driven person. I plan parties, events, get togethers, etc... Yet lately, nothing seems to be enough. When im surrounded with many people I enjoy spending my time with, I cant help but still feel alone.
First choice... why do I need to be this? Why do I need to be needed and wanted so badly? Why cant i just be happy with those who are in my life? Why do I need to feel like I mean everything to someone? There is nothing better than feeling like you are the only person that matters in life. I once had that feeling. I dont have that anymore. It has made me miss it more than ever.
I have always felt like I try to be a good person in others lives. I try to be the one who's always willing to listen, the one who makes you feel loved, the one who makes you feel special, the one who can make you smile when you dont want to, the one who will always be there for you, etc. I work hard, and yet I feel taken advantage of and left alone. I know there are people out there who care and love me... but I feel like no one truly needs me.
I dont feel needed. I dont feel wanted.
Well no more pity parties. Im gonna go find me someone who needs me, who wants me. I dont know who it will be. I will find them. I will feel special.
Loneliness: The poison that breaks down your heart when you feel there is no one inside trying to protect it.
Yes, I am lonely. Ive been trying to hide and fight it for quite some time. Now is the time to express it. I hate bottling up emotions and pretending like everything is perfect. This is life, it isnt meant to be perfect. So why pretend it is? I wont. Is my life great? Yes it is. I have been blessed with many of the good things of the world. However, despite my many blessings, I have been feeling extreme emotions of loneliness.
This is a painful and difficult thing to admit. I am a socially driven person. I plan parties, events, get togethers, etc... Yet lately, nothing seems to be enough. When im surrounded with many people I enjoy spending my time with, I cant help but still feel alone.
First choice... why do I need to be this? Why do I need to be needed and wanted so badly? Why cant i just be happy with those who are in my life? Why do I need to feel like I mean everything to someone? There is nothing better than feeling like you are the only person that matters in life. I once had that feeling. I dont have that anymore. It has made me miss it more than ever.
I have always felt like I try to be a good person in others lives. I try to be the one who's always willing to listen, the one who makes you feel loved, the one who makes you feel special, the one who can make you smile when you dont want to, the one who will always be there for you, etc. I work hard, and yet I feel taken advantage of and left alone. I know there are people out there who care and love me... but I feel like no one truly needs me.
I dont feel needed. I dont feel wanted.
Well no more pity parties. Im gonna go find me someone who needs me, who wants me. I dont know who it will be. I will find them. I will feel special.
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Things We'll Do, The Things We'll Feel.
The things we'll do,
The things we'll feel,
As soon as I meet you,
I'll know that it's real.
Late night chats on the phone,
Surprise gifts every week,
I wont feel so alone.
Good night kiss on my cheek.
No other girl I'd prefer,
You'll live in my mind.
The world starts to blur,
Our love starts to combine.
I'll be your soul mate,
Companion to the end,
A future we'll create,
You'll be my best friend.
We'll walk on the beach,
Your hand in mine,
Ill give you my speech,
With chills down my spine.
A tear in your eye,
My love Ill confess,
I'll let out a sigh,
When you cry out with "Yes."
You'll gaze at me,
As I look at you,
For time and all eternity,
You'll tell me "I do."
We'll travel the Earth,
A family we'll start,
With each passing birth,
Hear the beat of their heart.
Ill stand by your side,
Through sickness and health,
I'll work hard to provide,
Needed comforts and wealth.
I'll be the man of your dreams,
You'll be my pride and my joy,
We'll work hard as a team,
When obstacles try to destroy.
Love growing every day,
You'll be more beautiful than ever,
As we age along the way,
Through this life and forever.
Collecting memories with you,
My heart you will heal,
The things we'll do,
The things we'll feel.
The things we'll feel,
As soon as I meet you,
I'll know that it's real.
Late night chats on the phone,
Surprise gifts every week,
I wont feel so alone.
Good night kiss on my cheek.
No other girl I'd prefer,
You'll live in my mind.
The world starts to blur,
Our love starts to combine.
I'll be your soul mate,
Companion to the end,
A future we'll create,
You'll be my best friend.
We'll walk on the beach,
Your hand in mine,
Ill give you my speech,
With chills down my spine.
A tear in your eye,
My love Ill confess,
I'll let out a sigh,
When you cry out with "Yes."
You'll gaze at me,
As I look at you,
For time and all eternity,
You'll tell me "I do."
We'll travel the Earth,
A family we'll start,
With each passing birth,
Hear the beat of their heart.
Ill stand by your side,
Through sickness and health,
I'll work hard to provide,
Needed comforts and wealth.
I'll be the man of your dreams,
You'll be my pride and my joy,
We'll work hard as a team,
When obstacles try to destroy.
Love growing every day,
You'll be more beautiful than ever,
As we age along the way,
Through this life and forever.
Collecting memories with you,
My heart you will heal,
The things we'll do,
The things we'll feel.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Fame, Finances, and Friends.
Fame. It's what I aspire to obtain.
Finances. They're a salt and vinegar chips, sometimes they taste great, sometimes they taste like shit.
Friends. They're the angels on Earth shaping us into the people we are, and guide us to the places we hope to find.
Here I sit at my desk. The time goes by. Time that I cant get back. Im trying to figure out the best way to utilize the down time I have here at the Deseret News. Watch another sitcom on abc.com? Stalk numerous strangers on facebook? Read an online article? Go for a walk? Blog? Ok. Yes. Blog it is.
It has been a while since I last blogged. So I feel the time is now!
The title of my blog is "Fame, Finances, and Friends." Those are the three things I seem to think the most about. This brain of mine. It's out of control. Always on, overflowing with crazy ideas or thoughts. Time for me to put my thoughts out into the cyber world.
Fame. Yes, fame is something I someday hope to achieve. I feel like I was born with the potential of being well known. I have always craved being on a reality tv show. I have a secret desire to be an actor... but camera fright gets the best of me. I want to be a name known to many. How to obtain that fame... what way to go about it. Photography? Youtube? TV? Who knows. I dont know why I want to be famous... I just do. So there you have it. A confession from your typical overworked college student.
Finances. They're a bitch. Always stressing over loans and payments. Gas prices are going up. Debt. Wants vs Needs. Ive never been the best at budgeting. I can do it... just usually choose not too. I will someday. I am a totally impulsive buyer. Today I purchased two tickets to go see Titanic in 3D with one of my best friends!! I then went to amazon.com and purchased a roulette board and wheel!! WOOHOO! Casino nights, theyre going to be happening monthly. I also purchased some grubbing at various places. I got a BK Stacker and a 4 piece chicken nuggerssss at BK. I then had the true 7-Eleven experience by buying a giant pina colada apple-strawberry slurpee with two mystery taquitos! Who knows what they were... but they were greasy and easily edible when driving to work :) I had a big photo shoot today. I earned those purchases.
I have had a lot of photography business lately. Which is good... because I semi-quit my job at the Deseret Dairy. I wanted to have more time for other types of work. My kind of work :) Photography! This month I have had many shoots. Many appointments were booked. I just finished photographing all the employees at the North Salt Lake City Hall! It was a fun experience. The images will be on their website! Be looking for them1 I have done engagements, bridals, families, weddings, headshots, and portraits all month long!! Ive even done some sports photography and temple photography! Nuts right?! It has been a really good month. However, I racked up some debt when I went to Indian Wells with CJ. We had a BLAST!!! Went to tennis matches, Coronado and Venice Beach. San Diego, L.A, Hollywood... amazing. Now it's time to budget and get my finances back on track! UGH! But i can do it!
Friends. The last category. Oh how I love them. I have the greatest friends on Earth. I have my dear sweet darling DeeDee. Who is my other half. Literally. We're so different yet we seem to understand each other. I love her. I have my boys, CJ, Ryan, Matt, and David! I love them. CJ is my perfectionist, my independent n' ambitiously driven boy! Ryan is my listening ear and party in a bag. Matt is my consistently perfect friend. Never hurt me. Always there for me. David is my pick'me'up and instant smile. I then have other amazing friends who have played such important roles in my life. Those who have helped guide me... helped save me... supported me... loved me. Everyone who has come into my life surely played a role in it. I love you all.
My goal is always to be the friend you wish you had in your life. Hopefully im living up to my end with most of you. School and work have been kickin my ass. But none of you forget how deep my love runs for you all. And that wont change when im famous ;)
Finances. They're a salt and vinegar chips, sometimes they taste great, sometimes they taste like shit.
Friends. They're the angels on Earth shaping us into the people we are, and guide us to the places we hope to find.
Here I sit at my desk. The time goes by. Time that I cant get back. Im trying to figure out the best way to utilize the down time I have here at the Deseret News. Watch another sitcom on abc.com? Stalk numerous strangers on facebook? Read an online article? Go for a walk? Blog? Ok. Yes. Blog it is.
It has been a while since I last blogged. So I feel the time is now!
The title of my blog is "Fame, Finances, and Friends." Those are the three things I seem to think the most about. This brain of mine. It's out of control. Always on, overflowing with crazy ideas or thoughts. Time for me to put my thoughts out into the cyber world.
Fame. Yes, fame is something I someday hope to achieve. I feel like I was born with the potential of being well known. I have always craved being on a reality tv show. I have a secret desire to be an actor... but camera fright gets the best of me. I want to be a name known to many. How to obtain that fame... what way to go about it. Photography? Youtube? TV? Who knows. I dont know why I want to be famous... I just do. So there you have it. A confession from your typical overworked college student.
Finances. They're a bitch. Always stressing over loans and payments. Gas prices are going up. Debt. Wants vs Needs. Ive never been the best at budgeting. I can do it... just usually choose not too. I will someday. I am a totally impulsive buyer. Today I purchased two tickets to go see Titanic in 3D with one of my best friends!! I then went to amazon.com and purchased a roulette board and wheel!! WOOHOO! Casino nights, theyre going to be happening monthly. I also purchased some grubbing at various places. I got a BK Stacker and a 4 piece chicken nuggerssss at BK. I then had the true 7-Eleven experience by buying a giant pina colada apple-strawberry slurpee with two mystery taquitos! Who knows what they were... but they were greasy and easily edible when driving to work :) I had a big photo shoot today. I earned those purchases.
I have had a lot of photography business lately. Which is good... because I semi-quit my job at the Deseret Dairy. I wanted to have more time for other types of work. My kind of work :) Photography! This month I have had many shoots. Many appointments were booked. I just finished photographing all the employees at the North Salt Lake City Hall! It was a fun experience. The images will be on their website! Be looking for them1 I have done engagements, bridals, families, weddings, headshots, and portraits all month long!! Ive even done some sports photography and temple photography! Nuts right?! It has been a really good month. However, I racked up some debt when I went to Indian Wells with CJ. We had a BLAST!!! Went to tennis matches, Coronado and Venice Beach. San Diego, L.A, Hollywood... amazing. Now it's time to budget and get my finances back on track! UGH! But i can do it!
Friends. The last category. Oh how I love them. I have the greatest friends on Earth. I have my dear sweet darling DeeDee. Who is my other half. Literally. We're so different yet we seem to understand each other. I love her. I have my boys, CJ, Ryan, Matt, and David! I love them. CJ is my perfectionist, my independent n' ambitiously driven boy! Ryan is my listening ear and party in a bag. Matt is my consistently perfect friend. Never hurt me. Always there for me. David is my pick'me'up and instant smile. I then have other amazing friends who have played such important roles in my life. Those who have helped guide me... helped save me... supported me... loved me. Everyone who has come into my life surely played a role in it. I love you all.
My goal is always to be the friend you wish you had in your life. Hopefully im living up to my end with most of you. School and work have been kickin my ass. But none of you forget how deep my love runs for you all. And that wont change when im famous ;)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
haha glitch..
ok. theres a glitch. im feeling better. however. i havent been exercising very much. Havent had the time. School has been grueling. Its hard to eat healthy when youre stressed, tired, and emotional haha! all ya want is food and goodies! Today i made a coconut dough cookie with oatmeal, coconut and big chocolate chips! Mmm!! so good. they arent helping my cause. I need motivation. Oh well. Maybe once school ends i can get back on track haha. Love my life.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day 1:
Ok. Last night I went to the gym. I did hamstrings, quads, glutes, chest, biceps, and abs. I then did the bike for 30 minutes then relaxed in the sauna for another half hour. Today... I had a V8 for breakfast. A jamba jiuce for lunch. I then had some chicken nuggets and a double stack from Burger King. I then got a cookie at ruby snaps! For dinner. Suagr free pudding and chili :) Today was half good half ok. Can only get better from here.
PS. NEW HAIRCUT TODAY!!! i feel amazing.
PS. NEW HAIRCUT TODAY!!! i feel amazing.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
My Life Is Out Of Control.
The title of this blog says it all. No more. I am tired of not feeling good enough. Im tired of being in pain. Im tired of stress, suffering, and hard emotions. I am going to become who I want to be. I am in control of my life.
I will get in better shape. I will start blogging my success and results. I am going to be more spiritual. I am going to do better in school. I am going to run my life how it makes me the happiest.
Heres to the future. Im off work, and heading to the gym :)
I will get in better shape. I will start blogging my success and results. I am going to be more spiritual. I am going to do better in school. I am going to run my life how it makes me the happiest.
Heres to the future. Im off work, and heading to the gym :)
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